Barkevious Mingo 0.5, reportedly
Yeah, I’m still here. No, sit down. You’re too kind. I haven’t written enough this offseason, so here’s a largely link-free stream-of-thought post on the offseason so far. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, google it. I shouldn’t have to do ALL the work around here.
Thesis statement! This fucking offseason is taking forever.
He wrote this before I wrote that. I didn’t see it before I wrote my post. But as was pointed out to me several times on twitter, holy shit is his argument similar. It’s creepy. I figured I’d be remiss if I didn’t link this up. Well said, Wallace. You make a great case.
(I did gain from the comment section over there that we are still comfortably in the minority among Saints fans.)
While we’re linking up some worthy shit, I have something else, just in case you’ve been living under a fucking rock and are too old or cranky to get your ass on twitter. Completing his meteoric rise from the comment section of Pro Football Talk is the genius twitter account @PFTCommenter. Why is this worthy of its own paragraph?
Well, he’s blogging now. And it’s, as expected, pure genius. And near-daily posts so far. Check it out. It’s one of the best sports things on the internet. Just be warned: If you can’t handle blistering facts and NFL takes that don’t agree with your petty fanboy opinions, you might as well not even click your internet on that link.
Let’s talk about Rob Ryan.
According to the people who break these kinds of stories (hint: they don’t work for any New Orleans-based media outlet), it’s all but done: Rob Ryan will be the Saints’ new defensive coordinator.
I’m entirely okay with that.
I wasn’t at first, you understand. I hated the idea the very second his name entered the conversation. Why? Well, I think I hated it only because I was supposed to hate it. He’s Rob fucking Ryan, after all. Who wants that guy around? Funny thing about discussing football on the internets: you have to explain your viewpoint. In most media. Whether on a blog or twitter or on a forum, another’s argument – even one that agrees with your view – can make you question certain things. This happened to me recently. I can’t credit everyone, but I can credit the mass chaos of online dialog for changing my mind, bit by bit. Oh, yeah. :bigbow:The Zoo
So. Why not Rob Ryan?
Tags: Assholes, Deeefense, Evil Gregg Williams, Making the rules pal, Rob Ryan, Sean Payton, Three Four
Ugh. These playoffs have been a hell of a show, amirite? And here we are, watching from the couch instead of that nice armrestless seat in the Upper Terrace [tm]. Ah, well. At least the Falcons aren’t coming to town, right? Let’s celebrate!
I know, I don’t have it in me either. Life still sucks until Next Year gets here, and hell, we all knew that was coming. At least we can look forward to some embarrassing incidents involving drunken New Orlenians and Mr. Goodell, sir. Hopefully none of them involve violence. I mean that sincerely. I mean, that’s just not the shit the city needs, right? Fuck Rog, but let’s not fuck ourselves while we’re fucking him. You know?
Hey, it looks like Jeff Duncan wrote a nice little pragmatic piece calling for sanity. Let’s check it out.
I even got all fancy and shit with some MS Paint action #bling
Well, kind of, I guess.
Sorry I’ve been MIA (again). Holidays and family and other real people who required interactions not facilitated by the internet, and all that. Plus, you know, it’s hard to write a whole thing when your last thing was about how you were right all along and the thing you’re supposed to be writing about was a pretty damning piece of evidence against the rightness of the thing you spend a thousand words crowing that you were right about.
Jeff Duncan is, of course, a fucking idiot. His latest venture – the weekly pile of garbage that is the “Weekly Reader” – is journalistic idiocy on a pure, primal level. It contains no real content, it’s a pile of links to shit that Jeffy thinks is “good”.
Jeffy’s been a journalist much longer than I’ve been a blogger. Somehow, without professional training and decades of practice, however, I know what “this week” means.
Months ago, I wrote my first blog peice. It was a troll piece – I needed a place to put it where I could use colorful language and not get in trouble, and I had no plans for this thing to become what it has become (that being, some would argue, a really, really long troll piece).
Anyway, here’s the post. In it I made fun of message board reactions to a Falcon blogger’s diatribe on the perils of persecuting the Saints and stoking the furor of their fans and their seedy online presences. (Again, I’m not saying he was wrong.)
That Falcoholic blog post appeared on March 23, 2012.
In Jeff Duncan’s Weekly Reader, dated December 21, 2012, he included that post under the heading “THIS WEEK’S WEB GEMS.”
That’s stupid, but consider also: of his six WEB GEMS OF THIS WEEK, only two were posted in the last week. I’m not the type to nitpick over a day or two – he has deadlines and all that kind of journalisticky stuff.
By combining all the classic Jeff Duncan themes in one section of one post today:
1. Insulting Saints fans and embracing everything they hate
2. Praising what amounts to internet trolling as a “thought-provoking tome”
3. Doing so without adding any real information or content of his own
4. Doing so after everyone already knows about it (Jesus, Jeff, MONTHS)
Jeff Duncan has done the most Jeff Duncan fucking thing in the history of the internet.
Congrats, Jeff. For posterity:
One more week! Just one more, please!
I sympathize a little with the Governor, you know?
This season just won’t end. Not mathematically, anyway. Math was always one of my favorite things. I was an idiot. This is excruciating.Â
The Saints’ playoff chances are fucking walkers, dead but not exactly, something so unlike what it used to be that someone needs to just put it out of its fucking misery. The playoff scenario is an abomination just because it exists. It needs to die. But I love it so much. I can’t let it go. Maybe there’s a miracle cure! It can come back to life! We have to try, right?
So we do what we have to do. We don’t kill it, but goddamn, we can at least put a hood on that fucking thing’s head and chain it up in the closet so nobody has to look at it.
Shit. It’s just so ugly.
Anyway, I reckon we have us about three subjects to tackle this week, in some order.
I had every intention of writing one. So much to talk about in the Tagliabue ruling. So much contradiction of the party line of the last few months. So much gold in the form of quotes like “none of the discipline of any player here relates to on-field conduct” which are mind-blowing in their damning of the punish-the-talk attitude of the NFL offices since the release of Gregg Williams’s silly speech and oft-incoherent slide shows.
I intended, in my post, to parse many of these quotes and break them down for their lunacy and faulty internal logic.Â
But Reid already did so, and he did it better than I could have. So go read it immediately. I’ll wait.
Yeah. So, all of what he said. Well, with one exception.
Hey, I’m a little late again this week. My apologies. In my own defense, it’s hard to put the fantastic nature of the latest Saints self-destruction into words in just a lunch break or two, you know?
If you came here for statistical analysis and deep insight to the existential drama of a coachless team, the answers to the questions of life, the universe, and goddamn soul-sucking failure, go here instead. He’s got it covered, and he has done it well.
I need to bitch. I think you need to bitch. Let’s bitch together.  Here’s the thing: I’m disgusted. This is as homer a blog as probably exists on the entire Saints Internet. But this loss – this one was different. It was different from the Niners, this year or last; it was different from the Falcons; it was not the same fucking thing that we saw against the Panthers and the Chiefs. No, folks, this one stands alone. Only 10 days after I complained that the Falcons loss would be one of the hardest to get over that I can remember in my life as a Saints fan, the Saints got me over it.Â
Because, for the first time in over 6 years, I couldn’t help but notice that the Saints just didn’t really give a fuck.
