Much Ado About Nothing

9 Jun

Mike Silver be blockin' da "twitta ganstas"

What a shitty week.

I mean, it’s been a crazy offseason already, and the last thing we should (or even have the right to) do is ask for more excitement.  As Who Dat Social club points out, perhaps we didn’t know how good we had it during the other 29 offseasons of boredom and waiting and discussing draft picks that didn’t have a chance at making it in the big time.  Yes, Angry Reader, I know exactly when the Saints were founded, but I’m not as old as you, and that wasn’t a typo.  A lack of excitement isn’t what we got this week, however – it was a week of epic buildups, heightened twitter activity, and avatar disabling, all for nothing.

First, the usual suspects chimed in – apparently, interviews with every media outlet in the fucking country, to include anonymous dipshit bloggers, wasn’t enough for our old buddy Sean Pamphilon.  He leaked a story to his BFF Mike Silver, who watches irrelevant audiotapes while wearing a Snuggie (or something like that).  Silver told twitter about an hour in advance of publication, and the twittersphere (Is that a word? It is now.) went absolutely insane.  I knew it was Pamphilon, because the guy tweeted me his phone number and asked me to publish it.  The reservation bid goodbye to Pamphilon, Silver got all blocky, and we waited with bated breath.

What an unadulterated load of bullshit.  Mike Silver’s story is here, if you’ve been away from the planet for a few days.  Everyone else will know the details: Pamphilon leaked another little bit of audio from the famous Gregg Williams speech, this time identifying two of our alleged culprits.  Jo-Lonn Dunbar and Roman Harper each got 200 bucks for “whack hits”, and turned the money down. LOCK EM UP!  Way to take an ambiguous term to the extreme, folks.

(Note: If you don’t feel like calling ol’ Sean, check out the CSC podcast this week.  At least listen to his voicemail message.  Spoiler alert: it’s long-winded.)

I’m not going to bore you with any shit about “whacks”, and what it necessarily means or doesn’t, or how this videotape or audiotape or whatever it is isn’t proof of anything, or how this all screams of “look at me” behavior by every principal involved.  You’re reading this blog, so you probably know how I feel about that.  And I must assume you have read 4 paragraphs by now, which means you have enough education and sense to draw the same conclusions I have.  If you think this is proof of something, you’re probably on too much of a sugar rush from all that fucking kool-aid to sit still long enough to read this.

So I’ll move on – the most entertaining bit of the day was watching Pamphilon and Silver take on the whole twitter world in their crusade to clear their names and just be a general douchebag, respectively.  Pamphilon tweeted his phone number not long after the story broke – by then I had taken it down because it was completely irrelevant without a substantive story from Silver – and got support from the adoring masses via text and voicemail.  Still, he found time to take on Albert Breer and Mike Florio.  Fun stuff.  Silver kept up his douchebaggery with a blockfest (and retweets from all his adoring fans); I’d love to link you to a bunch of those, but I was a willing member of that casualty list.  He did, however, have time to take on our favorite villian, Jonathan Vilma.

Just as that was coming to a blissful close, the message boards started lighting up with predictions of an imminent Brees signing.  More noteworthy sources began to show up later in the evening.  Jennifer Hale told us to start planning a parade late Thursday night, and Kristian Garic weighed in early the next morning.

Yes, sir. We’re about to get that big news we’ve all been waiting for.  Brees is locked up!  Championship!  Championship!  Championship!  Championship!  Championship!  Championship?  (I assumed a 5-year deal, with a 6th year option.)  Again, some of our old friends showed up.  Florio said it’s a bunch of nonsense; they’re still far apart.  Schefter told us that Ed Werder agreed with Florio.  And, in a shocking twist, the Times-Picayune’s beats agreed with the national guys.  I’m not linking to any of that, because I’m still bitter.  Maybe they were right.  Fuck them.  I don’t care.  Just shut the hell up and let us believe in something for a minute, will you?

We’ll find out in a couple days who was right and who was wrong, since the reports tended toward a “Friday, or maybe Monday” timeline.  You better believe the Angry Who Dat is keeping track – look for the official scorecard right here.

Oh, wait.  There was some actual news.  John Barr (remember that dipshit?  He brought you the wiretap story that went nowhere) reports that Tom Benson has hired an FBI investigator to look into the organization.  Of course, it probably is a result of the wiretapping non-story that Barr forced down our throats last month, reports Barr.  Fuck Barr, but let’s get one thing clear: Benson didn’t hire his own investigator to shoot down any claims the NFL has made.  Benson is not, and never will be, riding in on any white horse.  Even the Hornets situation is simply a business deal that works as well for us as it does for him.  Don’t trust that guy – you deserve better from yourself.

Nothing good comes from this.  NOTHING.  Worse case, we have Mickey Loomis out on his ass, and best case, nothing happens.  There won’t be any good news from this FBI-investigates-the-Saints-on-behalf-of-the-Saints garbage.

Is that it? I think so.  But honestly, I’m starting to go numb.  This offseason righteously sucks.

As an aside, if you haven’t learned anything else from this post, go get your Saints-loving ass signed up for twitter (and follow me, of course).  That’s where all the fun is.  And believe this: when the Brees signing breaks, it will be on twitter first.  That’s where news is broken these days.  As an added bonus, you’ll be the first to know when my profanity-laden gratuitously-celebratory “Brees is signed” post hits the intrawebs.  Man, I can’t wait to write that one.

 

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  1. FEATURED SAINTS ARTICLE: The Saints Week That Was: Angry Who Dat Style | Saints - NFC South Daily | The Ultimate New Orleans Saints Blog - June 10, 2012

    [...] friend the Angry Who Dat posted a wrap-up/recap of “This Week in Saints News” today (Much Ado About Nothing, he calls it, and I highly recommend checking it out live, as it includes a sweet photo potshot at [...]

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