7/17: The Day Logic Dies

11 Jul


Don’t be this lady. Get ready for the end.

Holy Shit. Five days. Tick, tick, tick. Who ever thought it would come to this? No, you didn’t. Stop it.

Just a few days ago, I’d say you were crazy if you told me that Brees hadn’t responded to an offer made weeks ago. But that’s what Florio’s reporting, and regardless how you feel about him, he’s been pretty spot-on so far this offseason. If that’s true, it’s a big deal. You can’t negotiate further if you don’t first turn down the offer on the table.

Let’s get this out of the way before I start getting shitty: I think Brees will sign a long-term tender by this weekend. My reasoning is simple: he’d be a damn fool not to. Yeah, I’m moving on to the shitty pretty quick today. I’m a little pissed off, honestly.

I ran by Walmart on the way to work for some bottled water and non-perishable food and frozen boneless chicken breasts and the hardware store for some duct tape and 550 cord, and I’m ready for the fucking apocalypse. It’s not December 21, it’s July 16, and only one man can keep this whole thing from falling apart.

And that’s why I’m writing today – to offer a little wake-up call – to inform you, reader of angry blog posts, that if July 16 comes and goes without that happy little piece of news and the drinking and celebration and dancing in the streets that it entails, the metaphorical sky really is falling. Don’t like Doomsday posts? Check that sidebar, and find something else to read. This isn’t for you.

I offer you three baskets. In basket one is a set of keys to a brand new Hyundai Genesis Coupe. In basket two is a set of keys to a 2006 Chevy Cobalt. In basket three, there’s not a damn thing. Maybe some of that shiny green stuff and an empty plastic egg (I’m not sure when these became Easter baskets; I’m winging a metaphor here, so stay with me).

“But Angry Who Dat, I wanted a Porsche. Where are the keys to the Porsche?”

No, man, I’m sorry. I’d love to give you a Porsche. But I have a bunch of people over here who want new cars, and I can’t buy them all Porsches! Keep in mind, friend, that I’m the only one offering you baskets here.

“Well, I don’t really like the new car. I’ll pass on the Hyundai.”

Hyundai’s off the table. Now you get either the Cobalt, or the shiny green stuff. Which do you want?

“The Cobalt, of course. Why would I choose nothing, when there’s a 2006 Cobalt staring me right in the face?”

Does that make sense?

No, it doesn’t. This scenario fucks logic up. Logic’s high on meth and eating faces after reading that. It’s batshit. The world as we know it can’t exist if that makes sense, shit at the subatomic level will start breaking down.

I hope you see what I did here. Do I need to spell it out? Very well. Drew Brees has three choices:

1. Take the contract on the table, whatever it is. Probably 5 years, somewhere in the neighborhood of 100 million, and at least half of that guaranteed. He wants more, but that’s what has been offered.

2. One year deal worth 17 million (the franchise tender). The only thing we know about number 1 is that it’s a shitload more than 17 million, am I right? Am I right?

3. Sit out for the entire year. He’ll need to make up around 20 million dollars on the next contract, after a year away from football, just to break even.

Now it’s easy to say on July 17 that given the option between 2 and 3, he’ll easily choose basket 2. But the problem with that line of thought is that it uses financial sense and basic human logic, all of which was thrown out when you refused to choose basket 1 – far and away the best option available to you.

Don’t panic yet. I wouldn’t ask that of you. If we’re talking on July 17, and Drew Brees hasn’t signed a long-term deal, however, don’t come at me with this ridiculous argument: “Of course he’ll play under the tag, he’d lose 17 million if he doesn’t!” He’s already lost somewhere around 35 or 40 million by allowing the situation to go that far. It’s like saying you have to choose the Cobalt after turning down the Genesis.

Something else, obviously, is wrong if things reach that point. There are deeper issues at stake, and it’s not about money anymore. It’s become personal. We have a Bobby Hebert Situation on our hands.

And please, for the love of all that is good in this world, don’t insult yourself with a quote from Drew Brees about not being able to sit out a whole season. I won’t even link to that nonsense. Firstly, he offered a caveat, an escape. Secondly, Drew Brees is a real boy. His nose doesn’t grow when he lies. And he sure as hell isn’t an angel.

On July 17, there will be no staying calm if the deal isn’t signed. There’s no “don’t worry”. The discussion will be only this:

“How good do you think we can be without Drew Brees?”

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7 Responses to “7/17: The Day Logic Dies”

  1. Philip H. Anselmo July 11, 2012 at 1:26 pm #

    Well Angry….
    Contracts, and all that lies within them are complex things… especially when they consist of doling out unfuckingbelievable amounts of scratch….
    But with that said, Brees, Loomis and their bevy of lawyers should have nailed this one a long time ago.
    I know what Loomis offered… spot on. And if Drew doesn’t take it, I give you the following basket-like scenarios-
    1. Drew signs, we are all jerking off for joy at the long-term success of the team.
    2. Drew signs the franchise tag, and after this year we look to the draft (which will be futile figuring our picks suck) and be prepared to move on w/out him.
    3. Drew sits out, and we start talking about how our running game looks, how Chase could possibly be the next “Matt Flynn” and how he will work in our “system” tossing the rock to Graham and Colston.
    Which basket would you pick?
    I’m sick of this shit.
    At this point, I’m just gonna close my eyes, let everyone pick a basket and just fucking roll with it…
    I’m a Saints fan.
    And if Sean damn Canfield (or Pamphilon for that matter) ends up chunking the rock this season, fuck it.
    I’m gonna sit and watch… and cheer for them (gulp!).
    And don’t take this as a cop-out… I, like everyone else wants Drew to sign the fucking deal… but if he NEEDS that extra 2-million bucks (which by all rights he WAS OFFERED) and he doesn’t take it, let him go toss off with Daniel “I’ll pay for it!” Snyder’s Redskins in 2013 after RG3 fails this year.
    Where is Mike “I wanna be a rockstar!” Buck when we need him?

  2. SportsCajun July 12, 2012 at 10:15 am #

    “…Brees, Loomis and their bevy of lawyers should have nailed this one a long time ago.”

    See, that’s the problem Anselmo. Brees didn’t WANT this resolved months ago. As AWD’s pointed out a hundred times, (and I was blind to it until recently as well), is that Brees is a Union Guy and wanted to use the Saints’ Franchise Tag as a way to weaken the tag in court. One can’t help but think that was his goal as soon as the clock hit 0:00 in San Francisco. Remember, the collusion lawsuit during the lockout, (which was some much bullshit), was Brady, Brees, and Manning v. NFL. Drew’s shown his hand when it comes to his priorities and the NFLPA is very high on that list.

    • Philip H. Anselmo July 12, 2012 at 1:15 pm #

      Fine points, and true.
      I can see where Brees’ agenda w/the NFLPA resonates here… and it does make sense he would’ve wanted that extra 44% on the franchise tag ruling.
      Brees has shown his hand slyly throughout this whole process, and I can’t blame him figuring how much the media is a tool these days.
      To be misconstrued in any way, shape or form is the norm, even and especially when taken out of context. Just read the next PFT headline(s)…. ha!
      And sure, the money has to be “right”…. but getting the money “right” or even “acceptable” could go a long way as to how New Orleans folk see Brees as either a hero or a cad.
      I’m in the minority (I think) when I say in truth, “I’m a Saints fan, Brees w/the team or not”….
      I love what Drew has done for our city and football team.
      But breaking the bank for the dude comes out of every other player’s ass back pocket on the team.
      Once again, Drew gives us the best chances of winning NOW… but, say we pay him what he’s truly asking, and we can kiss his insanely talented supporting cast goodbye within 2-seasons.
      We shall see….
      Take it easy!

      • SportsCajun July 12, 2012 at 1:40 pm #

        I get what you’re saying but the last report was that The Saints were offering $19.25M/yr and Brees wanted $20.5M/yr. Honestly, that’s not that much of a difference. To give you an idea of how much that actually is, it’s approximately Will Herring’s 2012-13 salary: http://www.altiusdirectory.com/Sports/new-orleans-saints-salaries.html

        In addition, they can structure the deal so that the cap hit is spread out favorably. Bonuses are prorated for cap purposes. Let’s say they settle at 5-years, $100M. They could give Brees a $40M signing bonus which would be prorated over the life of the deal ($8M/yr) which leaves them $60M to figure out in salary. They could go 15, 15, 10, 10, 10, on salary which would make his cap number 23, 23, 18, 18, 18. Sure, those first two years are a big cap number but in the out years those are very manageble.

        Have a good one.

        • The Angry Who Dat July 13, 2012 at 12:52 pm #

          Well-done, sir.

          • SportsCajun July 13, 2012 at 2:47 pm #

            Thanks man. Although I’ll admit, that was more luck than skill. Loomis making it a $10M cap hit this year is a stroke of pure cap manipulating genius.


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