Overanalyzing the Preseason: Episode II

10 Aug

“He totally ran into me on purpose and they didn’t call a penalty or nothing!”

Welp.  That was kind of boring.  7-6, really?  Two of the most prolific offenses in the league, and that’s the best you can do?  I’m starting to think this preseason shit is a waste of time. 

Ah, who am I kidding?  That was great!  I love football.  Both teams scored more than #2points, so there’s that.  You know, I titled my preseason posts “Overanalyzing the Preseason” for a reason – because basically any analysis of the preseason is going to be overanalysis by definition.  We take meaningless games and blow them entirely out of proportion, work ourselves into a frenzy (in one direction or the other) and it’s really much ado about not shit.  But that’s the fun of preseason, so here we go.

Somewhere, someone’s wondering if there’s something wrong with the offense.  One-for-four-for-four-yards?  Maybe Drew Brees should’ve shown up for offseason workouts!  Maybe we really do need Sean Payton!  (No, really, someone’s saying that nonsense. Use more Google if you don’t believe me.)  But holy shit, people, meaningless or not, it’s pretty damn hard not to get excited about this defense right now.  No, I don’t want to hear anything about that one drive in the third quarter.  That’s where I draw the “overanalysis” line – the second half of the second preseason game.  Come on, man, I’ve barely had my coffee this morning, I don’t have time for all that.

Seriously, Curtis Lofton, you are ridiculous.  This monster is all over the field.  And my god, is he fast.  That’s three consecutive sentences formed entirely of stupid, obvious statements, but they needed to be said, and they’re perfectly good filler, and I have a reputation of long-windedness to uphold among the marginally literate.  Anyway, the falcons have worked tirelessly for years in a biannual effort to make our defense look good, but you have to hand it to them – they really took it to another level this year.  Thanks for your best defensive player, you incessant douchebags.

“But he’s a two-down player!  This guy taking the place of the guy we said last week was an upgrade before he got hurt again is an upgrade!”

I love you, falcons fans.

Lofton had some nice contributions to the ol’ highlight reel (put that shit to some music on YouTube immediately), and that includes his recovery of The Fumble.  What I enjoyed about that play most, however, other than this awkward segue, was the four-man rush that produced the pressure.  And key to that pressure was Lofton.

No, stop, hold on, because I’ve already heard that nonsense from one overexcited friend on the way in to work this morning.  Curtis Lofton did not blitz on that play, sir.  Hit the Skip Back button on your DVR a couple times, settle in, and we can begin Friday Morning Game Film Tape Study™.  Lofton shows blitz over the left side, between the tackle and the end.  He appears to blitz at the snap, and tangles up with the back.  Is that a blitz?  Is Lofton even trying to rush the passer?  Hell no.  If that’s Lofton’s blitz, we’re in a world of shit, because he’s not very good at it.  Anyway, that’s not my point.  I don’t think too many people watched that play and thought it was a blitz.

What I do see (and here’s my point) is a hell of an “I’m getting blocked” sales job in order to tie up the running back in a borderline 3- or 4-second defensive hold.  But the quarterback has no dump-off now; coverage must be tight down field because Tom Terrific has nowhere to go.  Will Smith takes the longest possible route to get to a quarterback but eventually finds him somehow, and Lofton releases the running back he just victimized to make the scoop.

For three years, I’ve screamed at the top of my lungs at least 2-3 times every Sunday:


And for the second time in two weeks, Steve Spagnuolo healed a three-year old wound.  On any given Sunday for the last thirty-six months, Tom would have rolled right, dumped to the uncovered back, and watched the catch go for a ten or fifteen yard gain.

Not this year, pal.  Here, they cover the running back who is expected to be the safety valve, get pressure with only four pass rushers, effectively cover downfield, and get a coverage sack, complete with fumble and recovery.  Well holy shit.

Yeah, I know, it’s one play in one game of meaningless preseason, but it shows that Saints Defense 2012 is focusing on things that the three previous editions (yeah, asshole, I’m including 2009 in that number) willfully neglected even to attempt to address. 

So, Jonathan, you’re still my hero.  Keep fighting the good fight.  Take the commissioner down.  Clear your name, and revive your career.  I wish you the best.  But I hope you understand – we’ll be all right without you.  You left some shoes that are hard to fill, but the dumbasses six hours to the east and north were gracious enough to gift-wrap a solution, and we love him too now.  Can we still be friends?

Maybe I should say some stuff about people who aren’t Lofton or Spags.  Yeah, I definitely should.  Position battles!

Travis/Tarvaris/Travaris Cadet still isn’t going to take Chris Ivory’s job.  Just no.

Johnny Patrick and Marquis/ques/cus Johnson might be the best position battle right now.  They’re both killing it out there.  A little depth at corner is comforting considering that, as you may know, all cornerbacks have at least two groins. 

Adrian Arrington is done.  DONE.  Seriously, it’s over.  Right now it’s (Colston/Moore/Henderson)-Roby-(Morgan/Tanner)-Arrington.  Hang it up.  Of course, I’ve said that for two years.  But the rest of the depth chart just looks to good to keep Mr. Glass around for another year.  I wish you well, sir.  You were a fine camp beast. 

Yes, I left out Nicktoon on purpose.  What the hell is the deal there?  Until we know what his situation is, I’ll assume IR or something and leave him off the list.  So I’m giving the AA the benefit of the doubt when it comes to Toon.  Still, things are looking pretty grim.  Who do you cut to make room for him?  Morgan?  Tanner?  How many chances does he get before the coaching staff accepts that he’s not going to contribute?  Is this exactly why I’m doing this in my spare time instead of actually making roster decisions?  We’ll just have to wait and see. 

I’m not going to make it to this week’s game against Jacksonville; I’m sending some friends in my place.  So someone get drunk and scream just loud enough for the person next to you to feel a little uncomfortable (because, seriously, it’s a preseason game) for me.  Thanks.

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2 Responses to “Overanalyzing the Preseason: Episode II”


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    […] ” Overanalyzing the Preseason: Episode II The Angry Who DatWelp. That was kind of boring. 7-6, really? Two of the most prolific offenses in the league, and that’s the best you can do? […]

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