A Shocking Inevitability

12 Nov

Saints Shock NFL With Win Over Falcons.

It’s in the books now, and the New Orleans Saints have shocked the Atlanta Falcons

…they stopped Atlanta twice in the final few minutes of Sunday’s game to shock the previously unbeaten Falcons

Shocked? Who the fuck was shocked? What league have you been watching for the last six years? You’re pretty easily shocked if you’re shocked by something that happens for the eleventh time in the last thirteen possible times it could have happened.

That’s not shocking; that’s just the opposite. That’s boring, expected, typical. Consistent. So consistent, say some, that this shouldn’t even be considered a rivalry anymore.

“Oh, come on, Angry Who Dat, this Falcons team is different. They were 8-0. They had turned the corner!”

Oh, yeah, that’s right. Different Falcons team. Let’s talk about the “different” Falcons teams we’ve seen lately.


New coach, new quarterback. Touchdown on the first pass ever, bitches! This ain’t your daddy’s Falcons! Watch out, NFC South!

11-5, a playoff loss on the road in Arizona: not too damn shabby for a first year coach and quarterback. I admit it. That was worrysome. We even split the series that year. Oh no.


Watch out, NFC! We’re coming for you! Matty done got some playoff experience, y’all! Time to rock, and other cheesy shit like that!

Things came back to normal, as the Falcons went 9-7 and missed the playoffs. They got swept by the Super Bowl champion-to-be Saints, all was well, and Atlanta wept.


Bitches, you got lucky! The league wanted you to win because Katrina! You better watch out, this ain’t your daddy’s Falcons, or our Falcons either!

13-3? First overall seed? Oh shit, maybe these are some new age Falcons right here. Beat us on the Hartley miss at the Dome, then lost (being held to 14 points) in their own house, just three weeks before getting fucking blasted out of their own stadium by the Green Bay Packers. Oh.


That shit ain’t happening again, fuckers! Julio motherfuckin’ Jones in the house! Matty has weapons! Ferraris! Championship!

10-6. Second place, because fourth and one in Atlanta. Second place, because 45-16 on national TV. Second place, and two points in the playoffs. Two fucking points. Goddamn, that’s still embarrassing.


New coaches! 8-0, fuckers! What you got now, Aints?

Forgive me, legitimate media, for not being so shocked that the Falcons, the team on the rise, the team that just isn’t the same as it’s been previously, that suddenly has its shit together and has become fucking unstoppable, provided the same goddamn result that the last four Falcons teams (the ones that were on the rise, the ones that just weren’t the same, the ones that suddenly had their shit together and had become unstoppable) provided. It’s the same damn story year in and year out. It was to be expected.

The most miserable thing (I would imagine) for a Falcon fan right now?  If this game turned out just the way we all expected in spite of the new-look undefeated Falcon dominationness, what happens in January?  8-1, and no hope.  That just sucks.  Sorry, Atlanta.

(I’m not really sorry.)

“We aren’t getting enough attention! We’re 8-0! We’re the best team in the league! Where’s our cool profiles on ESPN? Why aren’t the legitimates lined up to blow us all in turn?!  Waaah! Waaaaaaah!” – Tony Gonzalez (not an exact quote).

How’s the attention now? Getting enough of it, Tony? What are we supposed to do for you, guy who has never won a playoff game playing on a team that can’t win a playoff game? How about you beg for attention when you win something in January, you whiny bitch?

“I don’t like nothing about New Orleans.” – Roddy White (exact quote)

I take no offense, Roddy. If your daddy beats you six out of seven times you go to his house, you’re not going to like daddy’s house. Who’s your daddy, Roddy?

By the way, on a side note: I’m not the biggest fan of Roman Harper. But he did what Roman Harper does, and a game within the game that provided wonderful entertainment for those in attendance (I’m not sure how much the TV broadcast captured) was Harper’s incessant badgering of White after the play. I’m surprised Harper never got a flag. I’m equally surprised that (as far as I remember) Roddy never did either. The refs let them play. But Harper was consistently dickish after the whistle. At least twice he actually found White after a play just to give him a little shoulder bump. It was clear from Section 641 that Roddy was livid.

The Saints are obviously in the Falcons’ heads at this point. It’s interesting to find out, finally, what it’s like to be on the other side of the Saints-49ers divide from my childhood. They are, as they have been, the Saints’ bitches. That’s not changing because of any regular season record, or missing coaches, or media attention, or added wide receivers, or new defensive coordinators.

See you in 17 days, Falcons.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t take at least a moment to gloat a little about the defense. I’ve been saying for weeks that the signs of a turnaround were there. A goal line stand, a stop when we needed one, a random turnover: signs not that we had a good defense, but that we had a defense that was capable of being good enough. This is not the Dome Patrol; yards will be given up as if they are entirely worthless, because of course they are in fact entirely worthless without an accompanying scoring play. Matt Ryan had a fantastic game yesterday; if you’d like to glance at his yards you’ll find solid proof of that fact!  Fantastic, that is, if you don’t count the interception on a terrible throw; an inability to score on the “worst defense in the history of any sport ever”; a very entertaining final drive beginning with forty seconds left on the clock that somehow ended on downs. The Falcons’ offensive effort in the second half was at least efficient in its futility.

Here at the Angry Who Dat, as you probably know, we believe in a theory of defensive measurement that we like to refer to as “scoreboard, motherfucker.”

In four of the last five games, the defense made enough stops to come away with a win. Remember when I said the defense just needed to be good enough? They’re fucking good enough, folks. Win four of the next five, and I’d hazard to guess that they’ll be In Control Of Their Own Destinies with two games to play.

I didn’t really think after game four that the Saints would ever actually have a shot at the playoffs. Still, that four-game hole may prove to be too much to overcome. But I’m telling you there’s a chance. I’m telling you that I’m damn sure that 10-6 will get someone in the playoffs, and 9-7 is a serious possibility. I’m telling you that the Saints (including the defense) have legitimately Turned The Corner. Are they good enough to win 6 of 7 games, especially considering a pretty tough schedule? That much I’m not sure of.

But I truly believe that every game left on the schedule is, in a vacuum, more likely a win than a loss. I don’t see a game left on the schedule that this team can’t win. Assuming for just a moment that the Saints win enough games to sneak in as a wildcard, they will be a real threat to anyone on the bracket. If you had told me after week four I’d be writing those words, I’d have called you a fucking moron.

Of course, there are a whole hell of a lot of “ifs” in that equation. But we have a legitimate chance again. Something to root for. Whether it’s bullshit in the end or not, I’m thankful for that.

And I’m thankful for a fucking running game. I’m thankful for Loomis’s return, and his unbelievable find in that new running back we just signed out of Alabama (even if it is really damn confusing that he has the same name as that shitbag Mark Ingram we cut to make room for him).  That guy with the long hair we pulled off the practice squad isn’t too bad either, am I right?

I’m thankful as all hell for the fact that a second and one on our own one is not a good reason to go get a beer.

I’m even thankful, ladies and gentlemen, for the Falcons – for making this feeling possible.

It’s very possible that I’m completely fucking deluded about the state of this team right now.  If you think that’s the case, fuck you, and fuck the cold water you deign to dump on my enthusiasm.  We beat the Falcons, asshole.  Enjoy this shit.  Enjoy this season.  Holy shit, is this entertaining.  Hell, even the most pessimistic Saints writer in New Orleans sees signs of hope.  So I’m not alone.

I hope you didn’t come here for anger today, Saints fans. I don’t have it in me. I can’t find a single aspect of yesterday’s game to bitch about. I’m just too goddamn happy.  I want to give you all hugs.  And then we can troll the shit out of some falcons fans together.  Sounds like fun, right?

Enjoy this beautiful week.

Who Dat.

Tags: , , , ,