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Stuff Your Eyes With Wonder

29 Aug

 

“‘Stuff your eyes with wonder,’ he said, ‘live as if you’d drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It’s more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. Ask no guarantees, ask for no security, there never was such an animal. And if there were, it would be related to the great sloth which hangs upside down in a tree all day every day, sleeping its life away. To hell with that,’ he said, ‘shake the tree and knock the great sloth down on his ass.’”

-Ray Bradbury, Farenheit 451

 

Hi. Sorry about that whole not-posting-during-the-entire-preseason thing. Historically, my preseason blog posts are uninspired and unentertaining. So, you know, fuck that.

I pledged this year to wait until after the final game. There were too many non-football Distractions – Hard Knocks, work, life, preseason games – to focus properly on the season ahead. Now that the fake stuff is over, it’s time to get ready for the real thing.

So here we are. I’ll spare you the boring stuff; only one preseason game really serves as any kind of an indicator (as much as any preseason game can) and the GOAT over at Girod Street Endzone covered it better than I ever could have. The last game, a game Wang once called the final fake-ass dog and pony show of the lyingest month of them all, is utterly worthless. Here, without bothering with a proper segue, is the pre-preseason post from SaintsWin, in case you missed it. And with that, I move on.

The real thing is just over a week away, and the real thing promises to be glorious. The season ahead, ladies and gentlemen, is the shit dreams are made of. Of course it’s easy for any fan to get excited when everyone’s undefeated and hope springs eternal and other appropriate but painful clichés, but I sincerely cannot remember a team that was quite this exciting this very early in the process.

Read On >>

Hard Knocks, Episode 1

5 Aug

I’m too drunk to write anything. Here’s my notes. I’ll write things about football after the football Friday. This is The Year.

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Preseason Is Stupid, or Why Football Is Better Than Bear Fighting

5 Sep

Sorry for the prolonged absence. Preseason. Preseason is quite stupid. But it’s over now, and we survived unscathed!

Well, except for all the injuries. And the return to vintage 2012 defensive football in week three against the Texans, or whatever melodramatic nonsense you’re in the mood to put out there right now. But we’ll get to that. First, let’s focus on the positive developments we’ve seen since my last post a month ago.

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The Hippest Fluidity

31 Mar

Barkevious Mingo 0.5, reportedly

Yeah, I’m still here. No, sit down. You’re too kind. I haven’t written enough this offseason, so here’s a largely link-free stream-of-thought post on the offseason so far. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, google it. I shouldn’t have to do ALL the work around here.

Thesis statement! This fucking offseason is taking forever.

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Here

4 Jan

I even got all fancy and shit with some MS Paint action #bling

A Shocking Inevitability

12 Nov

Saints Shock NFL With Win Over Falcons.

It’s in the books now, and the New Orleans Saints have shocked the Atlanta Falcons

…they stopped Atlanta twice in the final few minutes of Sunday’s game to shock the previously unbeaten Falcons

Shocked? Who the fuck was shocked? What league have you been watching for the last six years? You’re pretty easily shocked if you’re shocked by something that happens for the eleventh time in the last thirteen possible times it could have happened.

Read on >>

Dirty Bird Can’t Fly

9 Nov

With a broken wing.

Look at the poor fella. It’s not his fault. He tries really hard.

The Number 2: Falcons Hate Week for Kids

9 Nov

I missed a video in my Falcons Hate Playlist earlier this week.  This guy is fabulous.

He says “2″ a lot in that video, which makes me very happy. Here are some more videos featuring the number two.

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Matt Ryan: When It Matters

7 Nov

Every year we have to put up with this “elite” nonsense on behalf of some overrated quarterback who’s done nothing but shine in the first half of a regular season:

But you can’t separate the past from the present so easily when the past is this consistent.  An absolute inability to win when it counts naturally tempers the expectations of any reasonable fan.  Eliteness is about what a player can do, not what he’s done in a specifically-limited sample size.  If a player has performed well during the regular season and crashed in postseason three years in a row, a great regular season performance through eight games does not negate the pattern.  It reinforces it.

I argue that to be “elite”, whatever the hell that means anyway, you have to win when it counts. This will be a two-part post. First, let’s take my definition and look at quarterbacks who have equalled or bettered Matt Ryan in the postseason.  All of the following is from Pro-Football-Reference, NFL/AFL since 1960.

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Falcons Hate Week: An Introductory YouTube Playlist

7 Nov

I offer this as a quick primer; it is certainly not exhaustive of Falcon internet meltdown patheticness. I hope you enjoy. I’m also offering shortlinks for ease of twitter and facebook use.

Read on >>